Are you being rude in the grocery store?

I think my biggest pet peeve about grocery shopping is the other people.

I’m just not a fan of other people. Especially at the grocery store. That’s why I try to avoid going to Festival during the week, and instead wait until 5am on Saturday or Sunday morning.

I still get up really early on the weekends, so I’m already awake. I’ve already had my coffee, sat in the hot tub, done a few things around the house, and being one of the handful of people in a stocked & cleaned store is extremely satisfying for my OCD.

I can get a cart, make my ways expeditiously up & down the aisles, get to the checkout without a line, and be in & out within 20 minutes.

It’s absolutely wonderful.

The only drawbacks are that the liquor department isn’t open at the time, but I’m usually set with weekend booze, and the deli/meat counter aren’t staffed yet.

But other than that, I can avoid all of the incredibly annoying people that make grocery shopping a tedious chore.

Reader’s Digest recently put together a list of the rude shit you do when you’re at the grocery store. And I find it hard to disagree with anything on this list:

1. Don’t leave your cart in the middle of the parking lot.
   
   This is a no-brainer. Most stores now have some kind of cart corral in the parking lot so you don’t have to bring the damn thing all the way back to the store. Don’t be a lazy prick and leave the cart in a parking spot so it’ll roll into someone’s vehicle.
   
2. Don’t leave the checkout line to go grab another item.
   
   Ugh…this is so infuriating!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry you didn’t grab your guacamole, Karen. But I’ve got a cart full of frozen pizzas here and you can just come back tomorrow. I’ve been waiting patiently for you to finish your purchase and NOW that all your shit has been scanned and you’re ready to pay, you suddenly remember you forgot to grab some friggin’ Hamburger Helper? Get the hell outta here.
   
3. Don’t block the aisle with your cart.
   
   Damn. If I had a penny for every single time some idiot was taking up the entire aisle with their cart while reading the list of ingredients on the back of a can of Spaghetti-O’s, I’d be rich. And that’s just one of the many reasons I prefer to go grocery shopping when the store first opens. Less people = less congestion. My other big issue with this whole aisle/cart thing is that the store is designed for you to go up & down the aisles in order. Not just wander around like some lost cow. And STAY TO THE RIGHT!
   
4. Going through the ’15 Or Less’ aisle with more than 15 items.
   
   Look. 20 items? Fine. But if you’ve got half a cart-full and you’re still gambling while I’m trying to check out with six items, you’re a douche-canoe.
   
5. Letting your kids misbehave.
   
   Again, another benefit of going to the grocery store at 5am is the absence of children. I get it. You made a choice to populate the earth with your seed. But why is that my problem? If your kid is running around, completely oblivious to the fact that there’s other humans who are just trying to get some Bacon and whiskey, then you might need one of those plastic leashes. Seriously. These parents have OBVIOUSLY never had “the pregame talk” with their kids when they pull into the parking lot.